A.A. > T.M. > Reiki > Krishna Consciousness!
At last my life has meaning to it, gone are the fears of death, as the meaning of life and death have been explained for me in The Bhagavad Gita. Every night when I go to bed I am like a child on Christmas eve full of excitement looking forward to the next day. That’s how I feel about getting up a 3.45 am every morning to do my morning program.
My Respectful Obeisance’s to you
All Glories to Srila Prabhupada.
Wednesday, 10 October 2001.
Hare Krishna Mahudvisa Dasa.
Thank you for putting my email on your website and for the kind words. I will tell you a little more about myself and how I came to Krishna Consciousness.
When I read about ignorance I can identify with it 100%, as today I realise that for 45 years of my existence I lived in the mode of ignorance.
And for 26 of those years I was an alcoholic.
That’s when I realised that there had to be more meaning to my existence in this world than working hard and drinking myself stupid every other week of my life. It would be when I was coming down from the effects of the alcohol usually on the second day of detoxing that I would be in the hell of horrors, and on that second night after my last drink the fear of death would enter my mind. And every time I would jump out of bed in fear and be crying out to God “why did you create me just to die, is death the end for me”. I could never get my head around the saying that we were all created in the image of God. That was my big question if God created us in his image, then he had to love us, so why was death the be all and end all of my existence.
On the 13th of February 1995 I decided that I had enough of the vicious cycle of drinking, promising myself and my family that I won’t do that again, and when the head cleared, I would be back to my old creature habits.
Its funny now when I look back at my first months in recovery, most days I would have to pass my local watering hole and I would find myself standing just inside the door at the bar, and catching my self on “what the hell are you doing in here Martin your off the demon drink”. So I epitomise the saying creature of habit.
I stayed sober until the big test Christmas and feeling like the square piece in the round hole, and being a creature of habit I drank for one day, until this day that was the drink I needed to get on the path of sobriety. From Christmas of 1995 I have been sober, and I started practising the 12-step recovery program of Alcoholics Anonymous.
It was when I came to step 3 of the program, which is handed our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understand him. That step really opened the spiritual door for me, because I promised that it was no use getting down on my knees and asking God for guidance and direction in my daily recovery, and then going out and still, deceiving, and lusting, and all the other deadly sins I had as character defects. So I decided to live this step. I made a searching and moral inventory of myself, and shared it with another human being, warts and all, no stone was left unturned, and this was steps 4 and 5.
I went through all other steps when God seen fit for me to tackle them, when I came to step 11, which is sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as I understood him, praying only for knowledge of his will for us, and the power to carry it out.
I never thought I would be able to sit for twenty minutes and meditate, so to progress I tried it and being the perfectionist that we all are I decided to get instruction and do it right. So I started to practice Transcendental Meditation, and from the very first meditation I was having lovely experiences, some of them very powerful. My T.M teacher explained to me when I asked about these experiences that God what bestowing these experiences on me after all my suffering with alcohol. So in the following months I was still searching for that elusive answer, ”what is the meaning to my life”?
I then went on a Reiki level one weekend and I had powerful experiences in that weekend, and one of the days we were talking over lunch when someone at the table made a remark about a spiritual awakening, and the spiritual healer whom was present, stopped the person in his tracks and told him not to mistake a spiritual awakening, and she went on to explain what a spiritual awakening was. She said that a spiritual awakening was God would ask something of us to perform, and it was up to us how we took to the task, and the rewards we would receive from him. She also said that most likely we would not be aware of a spiritual awakening straight away, it would occur to us months, even years later if we were lucky to experience one.
How true these words were, as you are well aware on the 12th of April this year Srila Prabhupada bestowed the blessing of Krishna Consciousness onto me when I visited your site and chanted along to the Maha Mantra on your site. My life is totally changed since that day, and I know that my story about Srila Prabhupada will gladden all devotees especially those lucky enough to have experienced this wonderful spirit in person.
At last my life has meaning to it, gone are the fears of death, as the meaning of life and death have been explained for me in The Bhagavad Gita. Every night when I go to bed I am like a child on Christmas eve full of excitement looking forward to the next day. That’s how I feel about getting up a 3.45 am every morning to do my morning program. I feel the power of Krishna’s love for me every morning, the protection from Lord Nrsihma in his prayers, healing loving feeling from Srimati Tulasi Devi, and the gratitude and love for my spiritual master His Divine Grace A.C.Bhaktivedenta Swami Prabhupada.
I will always be eternally grateful to you all at Krishna.Org. for helping this lost conditioned soul and answering the question to the meaning of life to me.
It is promised to all alcoholics whom carry the message of sobriety that we will live a life beyond our wildest dreams. Well life is very good but I know that if I render loving devotional service to the supreme personality of Godhead the life beyond my wildest dreams is to come. “In the next life”? And I am living my spiritual awakening every moment of every day that I am in Krishna Consciousness.